Mais duas semanas

I think the panic is finally starting to set in.

I'm realizing that the list of things to do before I leave is getting checked off one by one, and we're down to the last-minute stuff like ordering reais and buying extra bottles of sunblock. I can no longer look in the mirror and optimistically think that I have time to work on the state my figure is in...this is pretty much what I will look like on the beach in Copacabana. (Thank God carioca men are more forgiving than Angelenos...) I'm nervously trying to get a jump start on things that I already know I can't really do until I get there, like buying a pre-paid Brazilian cell phone, and contacting the people I will be staying with in São Paulo and Florianópolis.

And last night I tossed for two hours, unable to sleep, unable to pinpoint what it was that was keeping me up...it wasn't caffeine, it wasn't a lack of activity during the day, I just could not sleep. I had the vague sense that something was off, and couldn't shake it.

It's all coming together so beautifully and perfect so far that I guess it's only natural I'd worry it will all derail. My housing arrangements rely on me opening up and trusting someone I'd genuinely believed six months ago that I would never see or talk to again. I can afford this trip on the assumption that as soon as I get back I will immediately resume working part-time, and that I will have a steady stream of freelance projects to fill the extra days. So I've spent the last week sending out feelers via email for work and fretting as quietly as possible that my carioca friend hasn't been in touch for a few days.

It's all going to be OK. Tudo vai dar certo. I just have nothing left to do between now and packing, except work, and wish I was there already, and this is what I do. I worry.  Which is probably why I'm going back to Brazil of all places. Something about that place made me stop worrying about every inane little thing. I'm sure it'll all melt away once I step off the plane.

I just have two more weeks to survive still, between here and that point of no more worrying...